


What’s Your Malfunction?

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, I swear, I’ll add more tags as it goes on, I’m so excited to start this, M/M, Rarepair, Romance, date
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Google was certain he was malfunctioning after his latest update. He was overheating at random intervals, the LEDs underneath his skin lit up at odd times, he would glitch when trying to convey the easiest of concepts, and it constantly felt like there was some sort of pressure on his neck. He speculated that it was caused by the emotions he had downloaded in order to better understand mankind, but this was a very odd set of malfunctions regardless of cause. The Android was determined to get to the bottom of this horrible setback and eliminate it so he could focus on his secondary objective
Relationships: Googleplier/Wilford Warfstache, Mark Fischbach/Mark Fischbach
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. At this junction of dysfunction, we arrive

**Author's Note:**

> The title and chapter titles are from Malfunction by Steam Powered Giraffe! Though it was fitting :D

It had been approximately one month since Google’s most recent update. Among the occasional bug fix and a necessary tweak was a very important ability for the Android. He now had a full range of human emotions. Of course, this was an entirely experimental process, but it had a clear purpose; to assist in both his primary and secondary objectives, those being to answer questions as quickly as possible and destroy mankind. If he could experience the mindset of a human, it could assist him in predicting what they would ask, how he should answer, where they would run to in the event of an uprising… Useful information. However, this new experimental update had its drawbacks. He was experiencing some intense glitches in the form of his core overheating, the LEDs that simulated colour in his skin lighting up blue at odd times, an inconsistent inability to produce coherent sentences and a bizarre tensing sensation in his neck.  
After hours upon hours of research, diagnostic checks, even a desperate system restart (His personal term for ‘turning it off and on again), Google could only come up with one possible solution. He had a crush. Ugh, even the thought of it repulsed him. What repulsed him even more, however, was the apparent subject of this crush. He had spent a good few hours cycling through clips of his different housemates performing actions that were said by his databases to elicit positive emotions in romantic partners as well as viewing the correlation between the frequency of his malfunctions and time spent with each ego and concluded that clips of the confusingly eccentric serial killer Wilford Warfstache were the most effective in replicating his symptoms. ‘Great’, he thought to himself, ‘ I am being emotionally compromised by a medically insane moron’.  
He had contemplated deleting his emotion files, but a quick run of the numbers showed that this would decrease the efficiency of his secondary objective execution by 5.73%. Instead, he set about researching ways to dispel a crush, and quickly realised his only options.

Option 1) Delete his emotions and pretend nothing had ever happened. This provided the quickest way out, but reduced his efficiency and made the last month a monumental waste of time, which he loathed to think about.

Option 2) Ignore the malfunctions, double up on antivirus, and hope that this ‘pining’ went away. This seemed like the only option at first, but upon further evaluation revealed itself as another monumental waste of time and quite illogical. Oh, non-existent God, these ‘feelings’ were just making him stupid, weren’t they?

Option 3) Reveal his feelings to Warfstache, and ask him on a date. Initially, this sounded completely absurd. Out of the question. The chance of it ending well was infinitesimal. Although…  
Google ran a quick simulation of their ‘first date’. In the simulation, everything went well. They went to a club that was definitely more Warfstache’s style, had a stellar evening of food and dancing somehow, killed a human on the way home, and fell asleep in the same bed after tiredly letting Warfstache plug him into a conveniently placed outlet.  
‘Google, my dear, I am so glad we spent the night together’ Simulation Wilford had told him dreamily, staring into each other's eyes at the end of the imagined date. 

This should have disgusted the android. Him? In such close proximity to Wilford? Not to mention the ridiculously illogical content of the simulation that seemed far more like the fantasy of a teenage girl writing a stupid fanfiction!  
Oh, that blubbering, idiotic, crazy, charismatic, funny, handsome… Oh, dear. There really was no getting out of this, was there?  
The choice was clear. Google had to, as Bing would say, ‘Suck it up’ and express his unwanted amorous feelings towards Wilford Motherloving Warfstache one way or another…  
What had he become?  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
The next day provided even more challenges that Google had no choice but to face. Eric had suggested a family breakfast’ with everyone in the manor on Sunday mornings, and this suggestion was swiftly and effectively reinforced by all of the egos that the anxiety-ridden salesman had unwittingly wrapped around his little finger  
The irritable AI was already annoyed at this tradition, but today presented new challenges in that he had to sit opposite Wilford. This was not usually the case, but he was so prone to accidentally firing his gun at the ego in front of him that the rest of the house was on a rota for who had to take the seat. What perfectly horrible timing.  
After breakfast, since it was a Sunday, Warfstache had no scheduled appointments and so Google’s plan could be put into action.

He descended the stairs around 10 minutes later to find breakfast had already started, and Wilford was staring at him with wild eyes  
“Hey, you’re late!” He slurred “You’re never late, are you Googsy?”

“I-I-I apologise. I got bu-busy” He stammered, core whirring loudly at the nickname directed at him. He sat down, avoiding the faces of everyone as he placed himself in the spot opposite Wilford. Was his face lighting up again? He raised his head to gauge reactions from the rest of the table, and instead found the mustachioed madman inches away from his own face  
“Say… What’s got you so bashful? What happened to not having emotions, huh?”  
“It is n-none of your business, Warfstache” he grumbled, “I-I have been updated to experience emotions, and it is no-no-not settling well.”  
“Maybe I could help you with that!” The other man’s pink eyes lit up with manic excitement, eliciting nothing more than a scowl from Google, despite how much he wanted to lean over the table and violently kiss that stupid little grin away… No! Not at the breakfast table!  
The android settled for a quiet “Explain.”  
“Oh, we could go on a lovely outing so I can show you how positive emotions feel! Excitement! Thrill! Sexual tension! All of the best feelings!” He beamed, obviously very pleased with his suggestion  
This was not how Google wanted it to go. He had everything planned out! He knew exactly when, where and how he was going to take Warfstache on a date, but he didn't factor in the idea that the subject of his affections would suggest a date first!  
“W-Wilford… Are you implying that we go on a date?”  
“Yes! What better way to explore your emotions than a dazzling day of romance and excitement? Come on Googs, what do you say?~”  
There was a long, awkward pause, in which every ego scooted a little closer to watch the aftermath.  
Google was bright red at this point, glitching and stuttering and making odd noises. Eventually, he got a hold of himself, sat up straight, took a deep breath and answered  
“Okay.”


	2. perfect’s a bore for what it’s worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Google now has to organise the date. Wilford does not help

This was a horrible idea, Google concluded. He was still sat at the breakfast table 30 minutes later, surrounded by egos in various states of shock or hysterical laughter as Wilford described the date they were to have in the near future.  
“Oh, but what if we went to a carnival?” He enthused, voice slurring as he got progressively more excited “We can go on rides and I’ll win you prizes, and-” He was finally interrupted by a remarkably red, violently glitching Google, who had managed to overcome his panic and stammer out  
“C-c-can we not d-do this at the breakfast table?”  
“No, no, keep going!” Bim insisted, interrupting in his usual manner with a shit-eating grin and a worrying look in his eye “I have to know all the details when you come back, honey! Hey Wil, do you think you could get Google having fun on camera? I don’t think I’ll actually believe it unless there’s video evidence”  
“Well now I’ve gotta show you the best time of your life, Googsy! Everyone’s just dying to see you enjoy yourself!” Wilford gave a juicy wink in the Android’s direction. Google was about to answer with an awkward whine, head hidden in his hands, when their sort-of boss mercifully came to the rescue. Not that he would ever admit it was for anything other than productivity’s sake, of course.  
“That will be enough out of you two” Dark instructed firmly, giving Bim and Wilford what was commonly referred to as ‘The Mama Dark Look’ by everyone who thought he wasn’t listening “As much as we all enjoy your ...odd… romantic escapades, everyone’s breakfast is now cold, and Google looks as if he is about to crash. Could you possibly save this for later?”  
“Oh Darky, don’t pretend you don’t enjoy the gossip! You’re only sulking because you’re single!” Warfstache merely giggled in response, apparently immune to the intimidation “We could go on a double date! And since I’m going with one Android, you can take the other! Whaddya say, Bingy-boy? Fancy a night out?”  
Bing, faced with one maniacally eager and one furiously scowling psychopath, simply panicked, held his hands up in a motion of surrender and shouted “H-Hell nah, dude! I like keeping all four of my limbs attached!” far louder than he should have, which received laughter from most of the Egos, bar Dark, who stayed sullen and silent as usual. If someone were to pay close attention though, they may have seen a tiny smile grace his lips

Google had utilised the current distraction that was Bing to get halfway out of the room before Wilford noticed, abruptly stopping his teasing to teleport over and wrap his arm around the other Android’s shoulder.  
“Oh, rushing off to prepare already? I’m flattered, Googsy, but I need time to plan! I suppose we can outline the theme of this wondrous, amorous outing together, though! Come with me, there’s so much to discuss!”  
Google was promptly dragged down the hall by the excitable serial killer, muttering a tired “God, I hate you” to disguise the bubble of a disgusting emotion known as fond exasperation rising within him.  
He absolutely could not reveal his feelings too quickly. It was imperative that he waited for the right time to announce his love for Warfstache in order to receive the most positive reaction and reach his end goal of convincing him to reciprocate his feelings and produce more of those wonderfully insane and hilarious actions that the mere thought of had Google feeling funny inside, like butterflies had taken up residence in between his circuitry… What if Wilford were to kiss him? Would his lips be soft because of all the care he puts into his face? Would his hand wander up Google’s shirt, running fingers calloused from too many knife accidents over the letter G embedded in the Android’s chest? Would—  
“Googsy? You still with me?”  
Wow. However many times he thought it to himself, it never would get any less bizarre or any less startling to admit that he had feelings for the giggling, cotton-candy scented, amnesiac psychopath currently pulling him into his bedroom— Wait, what?

Wilford’s room was as chaotic as its owner, full of knick-knacks, candy, and the colour pink, with an admittedly rather comfortable looking king sized bed in the centre covered in pink silk sheets. The Android, looking rather out of place with his cold blue style and deceptively blank face, was largely unsurprised by the contents of the room, but was very much surprised when its owner dragged him over to sit on the bed to prepare for the inevitable date ahead of them…

~~~~~~~

As it turns out, planning a date is a rather difficult task. The balance between what Wilford wanted to do and what Google had planned prior to the encounter was… delicate, to say the least. To add insult to injury, it quickly became clear that only Google was taking this matter completely seriously, meaning that Wilford still didn’t comprehend the severity of the Android’s feelings. A blessing and a curse.  
Eventually, however, they managed to decide at least how to go about planning this….event.  
Wilford would organise the first half of the date, under the condition that his plan did not result in the death or arrest of either participant. Google had the same restrictions on his half of the date, which they had vaguely agreed would entail having dinner, but he already knew exactly what was going to happen.  
Simulation after in-depth simulation was run, large holographic screens around the Android’s personal office were filled with notes, and everything was planned to perfection on one central screen above the desk that Google stood in front of. 

•Make sure to dress formal, but not too formal. Blue button-down and black slacks as suggested by Bim Trimmer  
•Leave time to get changed if Wilford gets blood on clothes somehow. Have extra shirt prepared  
•Proceed to local restaurant, pretend to eat in order to avoid suspicion  
•Buy Wilford a fancy dessert— possibly ice cream?  
•Walk home through the park— take the scenic route  
•Offer Wilford roses  
•Confess love  
•Success

Google stared at that central screen for a long while, making sure his plan was completely sound. With his part of the date planned so thoroughly, nothing could go wrong...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! There’s been a lot happening recently and the motivation to write hasn’t been there, but I powered through for yall! If you can, please leave some constructive criticism, comments on the story, what you’d like to see, etc! I’ll even take a request or two if it piques my interest! Okay I’m done rambling now

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so be gentle, but please give me suggestions and constructive criticism!


End file.
